Female, 18:

Thankyou thankyou thankyou for this site. I'm an 18 year old woman and while some young men these days have the common sense that features on your website, some don't, and I have been left feeling pressured and inadequate during sex.
This should be compulsory reading for all young people entering puberty!

Male, 21:

I am a great fan of your initiative, although I am only 21 and do not have that much experience. I have also had to tell girls that I'm not into sex for the visual part of it, and have little intention of making porn in the process, although, of course, I may want to try things either of us suggest.
I salute your attempt to change the twisted image of the nature of human contact, and wish you the best of luck in doing so. I will contribute to spreading the word in my community at least.

Female:

I thought I was the only one having these issues. I primarily date men in their 20's and I found it to be so queer the things they believe. I esp hate constant shaving. Feel like I am stuck with it :(. And now it seems so many people are constantly txting porn and expect you to have nudie pics. I mean, I love sex and all but I actually would like to have a convo on occasion with a man I am interested in that is not laden with sex. I have been bringing this up a lot because it baffles me. It seems so odd to me that from now on this is what "is expected". Thanks for the website.

Male, 20s:

I watched your far too short speech at the TED conference and visited your site makelovenotporn. I have to say that after reflecting on my previous relationships and sexual encounters I did realize one of your points (The "Only the genitals touch") I am guilty of. And as a young man in his 20's its strange to think that porn has affected me in such an unconscious way. I mainly stick to doggy style(people have to find a better name for that one haha) and cowgirl. I mean most porns I see go: blowjob, missionary, cowgirl, doggy style, and cum shot. All the other positions they do just look plain uncomfortable for both parties. I'll have to be more adventurous in the future. Preferably in comfortable positions category haha. But good speech, good site, and good brain food. definitely something to think actively about.

Female

I'm a young woman in a committed relationship. I just found your website 'Make Love Not Porn' and i wanted to thank you.

My boyfriend has a serious addiction to pornography. In all other respects, he's the perfect guy. But porn is a real problem for him. When we first got involved with each other, I didn't think that was the case. I thought that his interest in porn was simply a natural inclination for a guy- that there was nothing really wrong with him watching it now and then. But we are three years into our relationship, and I finally have recognized it as a problem.

Porn literally does have the quality of an addiction for him. He is compulsive about watching it, and he has had physical withdrawal symptoms from denying himself access to it. I came to visit him this week, and although I've only been here a few days, he hasn't been able to handle the lack of porn viewing. He got angry and irritated, and I think he actually had the shakes. When he finally realized what was causing this, we talked about it. He was getting angry because, in a small apartment, he couldn't watch porn in front of me.

I think that his porn viewing has also negatively affected his sexuality. When we first met, he had trouble with face to face sex. Also, much of the porn he has watched is fetishistic-- and while I'm willing to experiment with him, a lot of what happens in those videos are things most girls are not going to want to do. But having watched it, he's conditioned himself to want it. So here we are, in an otherwise really great relationship, having otherwise fantastic sex, with him feeling unfulfilled because he wants what he can't really have. He basically wants a fantasy. And as you point out, fantasies aren't reality.

I love my boyfriend, and I'm not interested in moralizing over pornography. I think human sexuality is fluid and natural and meant to be explored. But I can also recognize and acknowledge a problem when I see one. I really appreciated your TED talk about younger men and this issue. And I got a great kick out of your website. I think you have identified a problem in American society at large that is under-recognized and goes unaddressed. In the United States, we have very confusing attitudes toward sex. On one hand, we penalize it and view it as something dirty and wrong. On the other hand, we sensationalize it and shine a lurid spotlight. So it becomes shameful and alluring- the unmentionable in plain sight. I think if we could just talk directly about it, then, as you say, pornography wouldn't end up being the means by which young men are educated about their own sexuality.

Female:

As a straight feminist, I loved your site. I recently paired up with someone who has an unrealistic idea of intimacy and eroticism based on porn.

He was shaved, spitting like a cobra and slamming into me.

I stopped him cold in his tracks and asked if he was basing his moves on a movie he saw, he admitted he was. I explained that anything based in reality and pleasure was great for me but that I was not a prop in someone else's movie.

He was confused, but open to the suggestion that he tell me what turns HIM on (vice versa) and not what he visually remembers as being "hot".

We have had lots of fun.... Thanks.

Male:

I'm subscribed to TED Talks and I saw your wonderful website! My girlfriend and I were sitting with her friends talking about sex one girl expressed to me and she was being fingered and told her boyfriend at the time she was about to cum. He preceded very carefully to put a towel barrier between her and himself which seemed very bizarre at the time. We came to the conclusion that he probably had been watching a lot of "squirt" porn and didn't realize most women do not ejaculate when they cum.

Female, 23:

It is uncharacteristic for me to write an email to a website, but this has been an amazing exception.

I am a 23 year old pansexual white female who has been permanently and negatively corrupted by hardcore pornography. From the age of thirteen, when I got my first computer (and was the best in the family at operating it) to the age of 17 when I was living away from home and had continued complete access, I was an avid consumer of video pornography, both hentai (Japanese animation) and typical film.

Watching these videos during the development of my young brain has ingrained irreparable damage into all my concepts of sex. I found that I slowly started to climb up the scale, further and further into "kinkiness" until I reached what could be defined as my hard limits -- scat, blood, and snuff. Those are all.

Because of this, I have not ever had a properly functional sexual relationship, nor do I believe I will ever be able to re-program myself to do so. I cannot orgasm with any partner. I am completely focused on their pleasure, as mine, at the time of sexual acts, is unobtainable. My body seems to shut down when I have had partners sacrifice themselves generously enough to, say, perform oral sex on me; I do not receive any enjoyment out of it at all, as I am too focused on making sure they "see" that I enjoy it. I have become the porn star (albeit without the looks) and actor. My mind and body are disconnected; I cannot fantasize during sex, yet have no problem reaching orgasm alone, although I am entirely ashamed of the bizarre fantasies and kinks which are required………I believe that, due to the exposure of obscene material at such a formative age, I will not psychologically be able to recover.

That said -- and I do apologize for being so verbose, that was not intended -- thank you. Thank you so much for developing a site like this, however small it is now. People need to know about the differences and the truths. Growing preteens need real sexual education so that they do not become broken husks, doormats, or unknowing victims to the whims of their partners.

With the availability of pornography today, I agree that it is entirely essential to provide a counterbalance, or more optimistically, just damned sex ed that works. The only formal sexual training I got when I needed it most was a book, I believe it was called Where Babies Come From, no talks from my parents, and porn.

So thank you -- again, and again -- for trying to do something about this.

I, and countless others, are out there appreciating your work.

Female, 27:

I so appreciated your discussion posted on youtube and the idea of your site in general. I am a 27 year old female who is unafraid of and unembarrassed by my sexuality and any and all sexual discussion. I am well educated in both sexual and non sexual matters and I cannot express to you the value I believe your work has and the importance of spreading and expanding the information you provide.

In my early twenties I began moderating a popular section of a high traffic forum relating to sex education. I was tired of the rampant misinformation and I dedicated myself to providing honest and unbiased answers to any and all questions I received. If I did not have information, I found it. Reliable, reasonable, and fair explanations of any kind of question imaginable, from birth control misinformation to fetish dos and don'ts. Nothing was too taboo, and I always did my best to educate and inform. My primary audience spanned adolescent males from as young as 13 to grown men as old as 36.

About 3 years ago I gave up the position with the birth of my first daughter and the ensuing chaos. While my web position has long been filled, I still find myself in a position of educating many men and women on a regular basis. Not only am I reinspired by your work, I am aware of how important it is in mainstream culture, whether anyone will publicly admit it or not. If there is anything at all I can do to be of assistance in your project, I would love to help. If you are planning a public forum I would be happy to wade through content. I am also capable of moderating site content, producing both questions and answers, and if nothing else, I will be spreading your site like wildfire among my friends and social networking connections.

Please know how relevant and appreciated your work is.

Thank you.

Male,20s:

I know you must get a large number of emails, so I'll keep this short. Thank you for make love not porn. I am a man in my late twenties and I often wonder about the effect of porn on my own sexuality as well as my peers. I look forward to a gradual cultural remodeling where we are all more comfortable communicating our desires while respecting those we choose to share them with.

Female, 20:

As a 20 year old woman I want to thank you so much for your site. I love having sex but I find men continually want something unrealistic. Luckily, I consider myself confident (and I like to think - good in bed) and so I can say what I like and don't like. What concerns me is that people don't seem to understand that it's not normal.

I grew up in Alabama and I always felt ashamed of my sexuality. We don't teach people (particularly girls) that sexuality is good, it's healthy, and as normal as breathing. This is a good step to creating a society more willing to talk about sexuality. Because frankly, I'm tired of Cosmo telling me every way I can attract a guy by positioning my breasts differently, and I am tired of men being told their sexuality is uncontrollable and that it's okay to see women as objects. Sexuality is more than that, it's individual and unique, and sites like this can show that. Thanks again.

Male:

I have three daughters and a son. What I knew about sex when I found a partner was pitiable. We were lucky enough to somehow to stumble into a very good sexual relationship.

I envy my kids the information which is available to them on the internet. I was very very curious about the whole thing and wish that the silly conventions about hiding everything from the kids, and at the same time knowing that they were getting the information from other places, didn't exist.

However, I worry about exactly what your "Make love not porn" site expresses pretty darn well. I'm pretty sure that my kids are sensitive enough and caring enough to not get trapped into thinking that what they see out there is real. So far three out of four are in stable relationships with partners I think very well of. A few rough spots, of course. But thanks for this. It brings a lot of thoughts together.

Female:

I had trouble writing this up, probably because I couldn't generalize it enough.

I've noticed that a lot of guys wait until they're reaching the verge of their climax -- and then ask ME where I want them to cum. I don't know about other people, but that ain't the time I'm going to pull my awareness out of the NOW to decide where his spunk is going to land. I just don't want to have to choose at that moment. I'd prefer that the decision be part of foreplay. At least then it can be sexy, and can lead to welcome anticipation when a spot is mutually agreed upon. And thanks for the website. AND the talk on TED ;-)

Female, 21

I am from Poland, I am 21. I found an article about your page in newspaper so I decided to look what you wrote there because I have got problem with my partner who thinks that porno teach him how to make sex and he do not believe me that is no truth what he can see in that films, so now i can show him what is truth about women and sex. I think we need more pages like yours which presents truth. Thank you for that page, you had great idea with it!

Male,22

I am a 22yo male porn 'user'. I'm certain I have been negatively affected by an immature exposure to porn. Although I don't believe that males like myself really believe that porn imitates reality, we surely get the impression that: 'that looks like fun'. The problem then arises when we are expected to be sexually experienced and take control in the bedroom and inevitably try some 'porn-moves' in order to demonstrate our, unfortunately non-existent, sexual prowess. This then results in embarrassment and sexual shame when our partners are less than impressed. When we are sprung as the frauds that we are: 'that's what you think sex is?' it can be very humiliating.

Of the maybe 20 sexual partners I have had only 2 have been younger than I, yet somehow, I have still felt that the burden was on me to 'take control', otherwise there's no chance she can be turned on. This kind of pressure (whether in my mind or not) is excruciating and really takes a lot of pleasure away from sex for me (even resulting in faking orgasms). What happened to feminism and emancipation of women? More females need to take control in the bedroom and (re-)educate their partners. Unfortunately it is very true (please correct me if I'm wrong!) that it IS a turn-off for women to see that their partner is a bumbling fool when it comes to the female anatomy. But if our partners don't teach us what and where to this and that, then porn becomes the default classroom.

communication, honesty and education lead to emancipation.

Female, 21

I'm 21, female. I have noticed a drastic change in people, especially since I've moved from a 3rd world country to North America where porn is more readily availible. I wasn't able to watch porn online in my country but I did still somehow get a hold of it from my friends. Did I talk to my mom about sex? no. Was I taught anything about sex? no. I'm from a Catholic home, I'm also from a Catholic School. Not only this but I am also a lesbian.

Every time I would flip the channel late at night I was so captured by what they were doing. I started watching porn around the age of 10 and I was addicted until I was 14 (still a virgin). To the point where I changed my sleeping habits so I could stay up later and later to watch more. Why were women allowed to have sex with each other? and why were men always there? When I moved to North America I was 16 and I noticed people "developed" sexually a lot faster than where I'm from and it was pretty scary. I found out the average age of loosing their virginity was 12 years of age.

What's even funnier is that I didn't even realize that I was a lesbian until I started to watch porn, it is more about the woman's body and not really about the man. I noticed I enjoyed it more when there were more women than men, and oddly enough I believe porn has shown me what I am sexually attracted to.

Thanks so much,
I love your website and your talk!

Female, 27

Would you believe that your website "make love not porn" changed my entire outlook on sex in the 5 minutes I took to read it?

As a 27 year old accustomed to having sex with men in the Hard Core Porn generation- I actually started to believe that I liked what they liked (sexually, and thats assuming they were even into what they were doing and not doing just because they were used to watching it in porn). I pretended to like my boyfriend to finish in my face or make me gag. My entire sexual experience up to this point was not organic I was just playing the part. I too learned how to act in the bedroom from the actresses in porn-naturally this left me unsatisfied and even sometimes used. I really believed that what I saw women doing in Porn was something I should strive to emulate.

So I wanted to thank you. Thank you for opening my eyes and making me realize that I dont need to play the part.

Female, 50

My daughter, Sophie, felt so empowered after seeing your TED video and visiting MakeLoveNotPorn.com. Well done, you!

Often, Sophie shows me the porn that she and her friends are sharing. And like all media, the more shocking and violent it is, the more it gets passed around. One in particular, depicted a large jar pushed up a woman's ass that broke to pieces. Imagine the ramifications rippling across the 13-yr old psyche -- "Are blood and glass shards a 'must do' when comes to anal sex?"

Like you, I enjoy sex. I watch porn. And as a 50-yr old woman, I feel completely comfortable letting my partners know what I enjoy doing and what I don't. Unfortunately, I didn't feel that way when I was younger. My hope is that you and your work continues to inspire the next generation to express themselves sexually in whatever ways they enjoy; and not merely mimic what they see. Why should anyone fake fuck when they can have the real thing?

You're an inspiration

Male, 19

I'm a 19 year old male from Vancouver, I've followed your videos from TED, and more recently at the Gen Y forum. Just thought I've give you props, because I'm betting half the email you get are right-wing teabag types trying to shut you up... (Good Luck). We need more people getting out there giving young people a realistic idea of what happens in the sack.

Keep up the good work